I have found the perfect nonpoluting, nonresource devouring, renewable energy source. I'll make billions. It's called my freaking out. What energy it produces. What utter panic and freakish resistance to sanity it creates. It amazes me that I haven't had some form of nuclear melt down from all anxiety and fear I have experienced over the past months and continuing on into the unforseeable future. Yes, I have too much time on my hands. Yes, I need to get a job (you think I don't know this?!). Yes, I need to relax and just "be" with Greg. Yes, Yes, Yes... all these things I KNOW. But could someone please tell the part of me that I don't control to please chill?
I keep thinking that I just need to get my life back under control. Well, silly me, maybe that's the point. Maybe Heavenly Father is trying to teach me, yet again, that no matter how much control I think I have, I really have none, that HE has all the control and let's me think I do occasionally. Then he rips it all away in some master plan to teach me trust and dependance on Him. Ha! Not an easy thing He's asking of a world class, should get paid to do it, control freak.
Sigh... can someone order me a rescue from the craziness that is me trying to live my life?
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